January 2016

At an alumni reception to celebrate Seton Hall veterans, the keynote speaker stated that his year in Vietnam as a second lieutenant back in 1969 was one of the best years of his life.

“Everything I have done since then has been easy,” explained Ret. Major General Donald F. Campbell Sr.

His words resonated with me. Not that I have any experience in jungle combat, but I too had a life-transforming experience as a young woman. When I was 26 years old and a newlywed, I moved with my husband to Belgium where I learned to speak French, found a job, established a household and became a mother – all of it thousands of miles from home. In those days telephones in Brussels were considered such a luxury that you had to add your name to a waitlist to acquire one. I had to write my mother an air-mail letter when I had a question about the baby not sleeping. And three weeks later, I’d be lucky to get her response. It was a hard time. And it was the best of times.

Communication is obviously different in this world of instant chatter, but life-transforming experiences still shape our character. The independence and problem-solving skills I learned so far from home have helped me countless times in my life. And even more important has been the growth I experienced from learning about and immersing myself in another culture.

All of this brings me to the point of this column: that Study Abroad could be the single most important thing your student can do during his/her time at university. I realize it is an added expense to an already expensive endeavor, but the good it does is immeasurable.

The most traditional form of study abroad takes a Seton Hall student to another university for a full semester, occasionally a full academic year. Seton Hall has formal exchange agreements with many universities abroad. In addition, there are third-party providers that lead students from other universities on organized study abroad semester. Semester at Sea, a floating university that stops in dozens of ports in the course of the semester, is an exotic option. Students can be as adventurous as a semester in far-flung Australia. Some students like attending university in England or Ireland because the language is familiar (sort of!). I know a student who spent a year in Russia, another who went to China. Students coordinate their class schedules with their faculty advisors so that the course credits will all transfer back to Seton Hall when the experience is complete.

A smaller and less expensive commitment is our faculty-led tours that typically occur during the summer. Many departments sponsor study tours for 10 days, two weeks or a month. These programs are convenient because they count as Seton Hall class credits, with no extra paperwork or bureaucracy. This is often a great option for a student who is daunted by the many tasks associated with the paperwork surrounding study abroad.

Yet another option for an international experience is the Division of Volunteer Efforts (Dove) annual international service trips. There is no academic credit involved but in many ways this volunteer service is even more enriching to our students. Students who are interested in participating in this activity should stop by the Dove office to learn more about it.

For students interested in study abroad, their first stop should be our Office of International Programs in Presidents Hall. The trained professionals there can walk the student through the many options available to them and then help them negotiate the paperwork.

Freshman students should be weighing their options and factoring an international experience into a four-year academic plan. Sophomores should be laying the groundwork for a junior year experience or a summer tour.

When I think of all the gifts I have given my own children that eventually ended up in a pile for the Goodwill, I know that helping them achieve an international experience was one that will stay with them their whole lives. It might not be for everyone, but it’s worth looking in to. It just could shape your student’s life for the better.

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March 2015

It’s that time in the semester when a young person’s thoughts turn to the idyllic prospect of moving off campus next year. As the person ultimately responsible for the life of our students outside the classroom, I personally take comfort in the story I tell myself every evening: that all our SHU students are tucked cozily in their residence hall rooms (the fantasy includes an 11 p.m. bedtime as well!). Now that we have increased the number of beds on campus, there’s more room for everyone. Keeping our students on campus is my preference.

Of course, I also have to concede that many students see the chance to live off campus as a natural progression of their independence and self-responsibility. My own son, who graduated last year, lived off campus for his senior year. And even though I worried more, he saved some money and learned life skills. Now that he’s graduated and living on his own about 800 miles away, he has the coping skills to be alone. It’s not for everyone, but for some students, it’s a chance to establish a credit record (when you are responsible for the utility bill in your name), learn to cope with adversity (when the pipes freezes), and figure out how to budget your money and manage your monthly obligations. For some, it’s the logical next step before graduation. But before any of your students make the leap, I hope it’s something that you give a lot of thought to as a family.

Before your students sign their names to the dotted line of a lease, we have a resource for them. Our online tutorial walks students through the process of finding an off-campus residence and alerts them to the questions they should ask and the pitfalls they may encounter.

My first concern for all our students is their safety. We have two transportation services at Seton Hall – our shuttle, Shufly; and, our night-time service, Safe Ride. Students who are looking at off-campus housing should be referring to our Safe Ride zone to make sure the apartment or house they choose for next year is inside this map. If they choose a property within this wide zone, they can be assured that late at night they can get a ride home to their residence. Students who decide for whatever reason to live outside the Safe Ride zone should be thinking now about their transportation needs, especially after dark.

Students also want to make sure that their choice of housing is safe, in good repair and warm. They need to ask about hidden charges: water, utilities, internet and cable.
Finances also come in to play. Students promise their parents that their living arrangements will be cheaper than living in the residence halls, but it’s a little more complicated. Rent has to be paid all 12-months of a lease. Whose name is on the lease and how much rent security do you need to pony up? You might never see that money again. Then, there’s the monthly gas, electric, cable, internet, and water. How is that going to be paid and whose name is on those bills? It can be cheaper, but you have to plan ahead.

Students who live off campus are then commuters to the university and, most importantly, residents of a town (usually South Orange). They need to remember their obligation to be good neighbors. No one wants a noisy, disruptive gaggle of students in the house next door. If our students are old enough to live independently, they have to be responsible enough to consider their neighbors.

All of these issues should be hashed out before taking the big step of moving off campus. I hope I have given you a framework for an important heart-to-heart conversation.

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November/December 2014

I was a first-semester freshman when I had my “epiphanical” moment. Sitting in a calculus class listening to my professor drone on about the value of Sigma, I was overcome by dread, and then it came to me: I hate this. It took the rest of the semester to extricate myself from a future as a math teacher; it took another semester to discern that I wanted to study journalism, and still another semester to convince my journalist father that this was not a dead-end path to unemployment.

So, I speak with personal experience in addition to my decades as an academic adviser when I caution parents that, now that the excitement of the new academic year has been tempered with the reality of homework and tests, we are heading into the annual period of student self-doubt.

Some students are simply fatigued from cramming information and big ideas into their heads. They just need some time away from studying and a few stress reduction techniques and they will be fine. Other students face the realization that their plan of study and their career goals need adjustment.

I call it the “epiphanical moment.” You won’t find that term in the OED, but it’s my way of capturing the “aha!” moment students need to have when reality hits them.

Here at Seton Hall we try to facilitate a student’s personal epiphany with outreach through the Career Center and interaction with a student’s mentor or academic adviser. Our new Sophomore Center (in Mooney Hall 14) works with all second-year students but gives special attention to the sophomores who are directionless. We know that sophomore year is especially crucial because students are pushing up against the credit limits so that lack of a major will delay graduation or prevent them from registering for classes.

For our first-semester freshmen, this fall semester often serves as a reality check. I’m not the only freshman to realize I hated my major. In the first semester of college, the course work intensifies and students need to make a leap to a higher level of math or science if their dream of med school is going to happen. Many students realize that they don’t have the grit or the inclination to sustain the intense seven years of study to be a doctor.

I use the doctor example because that is the most common epiphany we see in freshman year. If all the people who thought they wanted to be doctors as high school students actually became doctors, we would have a huge physician glut in the United States. Instead, we see a natural weeding out of all but the most passionate. This process happens in all the disciplines, but is most prevalent in the sciences, perhaps because the course work is so intense.

If your son or daughter is going through this epiphany, you can support them by listening and encouraging. And know that this annual reshuffling of dreams and life goals is a natural part of the maturation process. Very few of us are actually working in the jobs we aspired to as children.

Urge your students to meet with their mentor, to visit The Career Center and to take advantage of workshops and guidance that is available to all students. There’s a major out there for everyone; sometimes it just takes a little insight and coaxing to figure out what it is.

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September 2014

In the fall of 1987, I sent my big girl to kindergarten. And every year since then, I have sent a child to school. I hang my giant “Back to School” sign on our front door, humming “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” and spring for new shoes and/or a backpack.

So it is with a heavy heart now that I anticipate the opening of yet another school year. My baby, 22-year-old Tom, graduated (from SHU!) in May and flew the coop. He’s gainfully employed in North Carolina. While that is something to be celebrated, I am a bit snifflely right now about my empty nest status. And not only is Tom far from his mom’s grasp (488.2 miles away), but that big girl I referenced above is moving 2986.1 miles away to San Francisco. So our empty nest is really quite empty. I will adjust.

But for those of you who are celebrating the milestone of sending your first child to college, cherish the quiet. Take one child out of the complicated mix that we call modern family life, and it really does change the dynamic. Enjoy it. And give your college student some room to breathe and grow away from the family.

I tell my students that it’s time to change and that I even changed my name when I went to college. It was my way of becoming the person I wanted to be. Students have this one opportunity in life for a “do-over” on the way to adulthood. Transitioning to college is a time when you can analyze your faults and make adjustments. No one knows the you that you were before.

Your student’s transformation might not be as dramatic as a new name (my Mom still calls me by the old one!), but your children will change when they go to college. It’s a good thing. At its best, college provides students with a graceful transition to the “real world.” Here’s hoping for an excellent school year filled with good adventure, opportunities to grow spiritually and intellectually, with a little bit of good fun sprinkled in. Go Pirates!

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May 2014

2014 SHU Commencement

2014 SHU Commencement

To quote that great sage John Lennon, “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” Life caught me off-guard last week.

I have a distinct memory of bringing three-year-old Tom to nursery school. He wrapped himself around my leg screaming while his teacher pulled him away and shooed me out. I raced to Seton Hall University for my 9 a.m. class, walked into my class and burst in to tears.

Fast forward 19 years to the Izod Center on May 19th when that baby walked across the stage and I had the rare honor of handing one of my children his diploma. There was a whole lot of living between those two events, but I wasn’t paying close attention.

Can I be melancholy and jubilant at the same time? Where did the time go? The countless concerts, baseball games, parent-teacher conferences, field days, marching band performances and bake sales – finished. Now there’s something to celebrate! But it is bittersweet, this last milestone of my son’s childhood.

I told my 90-year-old mother that now that my three children had all graduated from college, I was done. She burst in to laughter and shook her head knowingly.

Still, it is an accomplishment. As a college professor turned administrator, I really wanted my children to graduate from college. The road was littered with bumps, but ultimately each of our children was successful. And that is something to celebrate. Here comes the roller coaster we call real life!

Tracy Gottlieb, Ph.D.

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January 2014

Every year I make a few New Year’s resolutions. This year is no different: I have yet another chance to get it right. But in addition to the usual lose 10 pounds and exercise more litany that has been part of my resolves since I was old enough to step on a scale, I have also committed to continued self-improvement.

My brother-in-law writes a list of 100 resolutions every year and then at the end of the year tallies his scorecard for a personal evaluation. His goals are modest: read six books, go to the movies five times, clean out the basement, paint the upstairs bathroom. But I’ve always admired his clarity of purpose and his ability to articulate a model for living a good life through a list of 100 simple good things.

In the interest of brevity (and mostly because I don’t want to clean the basement or paint the bathroom), I’ve come up with a list of 10 great things I want to do this year to improve my life. I present them to you here in the hopes of inspiring you too to live 2014 as fully as possible.

  1. Stop with the worrying. My ability to worry is near limitless. My wise mother-in-law told me not to worry because I would always end up worrying about the wrong thing. She was right.
  2. Sleep better and longer (see previous resolution about worrying). I am very good at falling asleep, but not so good at staying asleep. I do not have the answer to this one, but I will before the year is out.
  3. Read more. I used to read 50 books a year; that number has dwindled to about 15. There is plenty of room for improvement.
  4. Turn off the TV. My capacity for mindless television is insatiable. I have been known to sit in front of a marathon “Say Yes to the Dress” broadcast for hours. It needs to stop.
  5. Hike farther. 2012 was the year of the Appalachian Trail in New Jersey — all 72.2 miles. 2013, we tackled the AT in NY. This year? Who knows? But it has to be better and longer.
  6. Let my children live their lives (see resolution #1 – again). I have three great kids who have shown themselves to be great young adults. Let them live their lives the way my folks let me live mine. Enough said.
  7. Take up Mahjong. I used to play when I was a teenager and I can’t remember a thing about it except that it was a fun and relaxing way to pass the evening with my friends.
  8. Have an excellent adventure. Every year must have adventure, especially the older I get. Last year, I went to China. It was the adventure of a life time. This year? Stay tuned.
  9. Start crocheting again. Thirty years ago, I made an afghan for everyone I knew. Those blankets are old and smelly. It’s time to do it again.
  10. Be a better person. Gossip less, be kinder, pray more often, give generously and love expansively.

Just ten little things. Try it. It could change your life. Let’s hope it’s a great year.

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December 2013

One of the things we do well at Seton Hall is celebrate Christmas. Our President, Dr. Gabriel Esteban, has brought his deep devotion to this sacred holiday to our community in a special way. The academic calendar being as it is, much of the holiday spirit occurred in years past after our students had gone home. We’ve changed that now to create an early celebration that all of us have come to love: Christmas at the Hall. The big pine in front of President’s Hall is festooned with 43,000+ lights. Who cares about Rockefeller Center when Seton Hall has our blue hat festival with carols, treats and  the tree-lighting?

This year is even more special as members of our community have pledged to perform “12 Acts of Kindness” during the holiday season. This was the brainchild of nursing student Hillary Sadlon who performed 22 Acts of Kindness over the summer to celebrate her 22nd birthday. Then she decided to keep up the good work during the Christmas season. So we at Seton Hall are following the example of one of our own. Maybe it will translate into a kinder, gentler student who comes home to you at Christmastime.

Here’s wishing a happy, healthy and holy Christmas Season to all!

Go Pirates!

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October/November 2013

Now that we are at mid-term, your students should have an established a studying routine. Some students like to head to a study carrel in the library. Others find a niche on campus – the Study Lounge on the first floor of Mooney Hall is popular as is the fifth floor of Jubilee Hall. Some students head to the bustle of the Pirate Cove while others like the solitude of Pirate Cellar in Boland Hall. Whatever the preference, students should establish regular times for study, reading and review. Commuters can use the time between classes to get their studying done (although back in the day when I was a commuter, I tended to waste that time playing Pinochle. Do as I say, not as I do!). Residents often use that time for napping or relaxation, but the hours between classes are really the best times to hone up on course work. Students are awake and refreshed during the day, the best time to soak in information.

Talk to your students and see what their established study patterns are. If they don’t have a pattern, encourage them to get one. Our Academic Resource Center (on the second floor of A&S Hall) is sponsoring a series of workshops this fall to help students study better and study smarter. It can only help!

By Tracy Gottlieb, Ph.D.
Vice President for Student Services

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January/February 2012

I just did the arithmetic and was staggered by the fact that as Dean of Freshman Studies for the past 11 years I have shepherded about 13,000 freshmen through Mooney Hall! It’s given me a unique perspective into the mindset of an 18-year-old.

Now, I move beyond the freshman class to the concerns of all students as the Vice President of Student Services, a new area that encompasses Student Affairs, Special Academic Programs and Freshman Studies. I will be supervising student activities, student judicial affairs, health, counseling and career services, retention and advising, Greek life, housing and other student concerns. But before I go forward, I decided to pause and reflect on what I know to be true about student life.

When I was a professor teaching News Reporting, I used to make my students reserve a section of their course notebooks for “Tips from Tracy.” By the end of the semester they had accumulated a litany of advice about journalism. When former students come back to visit, “Tips from Tracy” is the one thing they remember (although I am not certain they can recollect any of the scintillating tidbits). Thus, for parents, some “Tips from Tracy” culled from years of observation on what works, and what doesn’t, in trying to shepherd our children toward commencement.

  • Let them make their own mistakes. This is the hardest one for us, myself included, to abide by. For better or worse, this generation of students is closer to their parents than we ever were. And more dependent. When I started in Freshman Studies, I used to beg my students to call home so their parents knew they were alive. I would tell them to call when no one would be home and say, “Hi Mom! Just checking in. Everything is great. I love you and miss you!” Now, when I am advising students, I often see that they are texting their parents the information that I am giving them. Still, it is our job as parents to teach our students how to achieve academic independence. We are hampering their journey to adulthood if we refuse to allow this to happen.
  • Make sure the career they choose is theirs, not the one we want. I must concede that we ask an awful lot of 17- and 18-year-olds by forcing them to declare their life path in high school. If national stats are to be believed (and I think they are pretty much on point), about half of the 13,000 freshmen who trekked through our program changed their major en route to graduation. My intention as a high school senior was to be a math teacher. Ha! That fantasy only lasted one semester, when I was introduced to calculus. Students come to college with majors based on day dreams, on their parents’ hopes and aspirations, on really cool television programs and, in a few cases, reality. Some students really are destined to be doctors and nurses and teachers, but for many, the first year of college is one of exploration. Testing whether they were meant to be biology majors is a part of the mix. And first semester grades, whether they are among the 49 4.0 students or among the students on probation, provide a litmus test for a student’s aptitude for and interest in a major. Students who didn’t do well in their major courses need to assess their plan of action. Students who thrived but were miserable also need to assess.
  • Give your students lots of advice, but then step back. I call it coaching from the sidelines. My suggestions should in no way diminish your role in your children’s lives. My children would chuckle at the very idea —they always know what Mom is thinking.
  • Encourage your students to embrace all of college life. The happiest students are the ones who are engaged in the college. If your student doesn’t seem content or is making noise about wanting to transfer, the best course of action is a heart-to-heart conversation. What went well last semester? When was your son or daughter happiest? And what went wrong? By far, the No. 1 way to assure satisfaction is to be engaged. Was your student involved in an activity? Strategize now and make sure your student promises to get involved. Try a club or organization or extra-curricular activity. As a Comm professor, I always encouraged my students to join The Setonian, our student newspaper, or WSOU-FM, our radio station, or the Theatre Council. All of these extra-curricular activities take solid chunks of idle time away from students, provide a ready-made circle of friends and also provide a line on a resume. But most importantly, the activity helps your student adjust to college. And it provides students with a group of “peeps” who look out for each other. Best of all, it makes them happy, and that’s what all of us really want.

Hope your student has a great semester.

By Tracy Gottlieb, Ph.D.
Vice President of Student Services

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November/December 2011

We parents are sometimes so busy molding our children’s lives that we forget that we are the ones who really need some serious work. That was my situation a few years ago when I came home from a family vacation and saw the photos my niece posted on Facebook. I was flabbergasted. There was no denying that those pictures showed an aging, overweight woman who could barely move. I had to do something.

Now, 26 months later, I am here to tell you that I changed my life. I lost 70 pounds. I went from a sedentary, arthritic person who watched a lot of reality television to a walker/jogger/hiker who exercises every day. When people ask me how I did it, I usually give them the short answer — a combination of Weight Watchers online and the dance program Jazzercise. But the long answer is a lot more complicated than that.

I had an epiphany. I smile as I write this because here at Seton Hall University I am always urging my freshmen to have their “epiphanical moment.” You are not going to find the word “epiphanical” in the dictionary anywhere because I made it up to describe the “aha!” moment our students often need to have. They need to change their lives — when they abuse their new-found freedom as college freshmen; when they realize that the major they have chosen is too hard; when they discover their life’s vocation; or, when they make poor choices and get themselves in some sort of trouble.

We parents are very good at barking out orders that force our sons and daughters to  change: “You’ve got to fix that math grade;”  “You need a haircut;” “Get a job!”; “Stop hanging out with that kid”; Maybe the best thing we can do, however, is to lead by example. We need to be agents of change.

My niece who is a senior in high school just asked me to read her college essay that describes someone she admires greatly. She picked my mother, a woman who raised nine children and graduated from college at the age of 75. What a great role model for her 31 grandchildren! At a time when many are retiring from work and putting up their feet in front of a television, Maryrose’s grandmother was trudging between Fahy and Corrigan halls (yes, another SHU graduate!) to get to her classes. She showed first hand that we are all capable of change and that, even as we age, change is hard, but good.

My own epiphany came at a time that I was at a crossroads. Either I gracefully accepted the indignities that aging was foisting upon me, or not. I chose not. I can’t really say why it worked this time. My mindset changed. I had friends being diagnosed with breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, heart conditions. My bones were creaking from arthritis.  Something clicked. And I changed.

My epiphany spread ripples around my house. I threw out junk food, turned off the television and got moving. My husband, in a show of support, started eating what I ate. He lost 20 pounds.  The turning point came for both of us about nine months after we started. We arrived at the train station in Giverny, France, and had two choices: we could get on a shuttle bus that would take us to the artist Claude Monet’s home, or we could get on a bike. We pedaled the six miles each way. There was no turning back. We started hiking. Our weekends are now spent trekking through remote corners of North Jersey.

Our children have gotten on board, too. While there is a certain amount of grumbling about the paucity of junk food in our cupboards, everyone is reading labels, discussing and incorporating fiber into their diets. “Our family is obsessed with food,” my daughter declared recently when all five of us were chopping and sautéing a family meal together. “But in a good way,” I added.

The message this month is that we too can be agents of change for our children. Sometimes we can make our points better by saying nothing but by going about our business making ourselves better and more fulfilled. That kind of change speaks volumes.

~Tracy Gottlieb, Ph.D.

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