On May 10 we celebrated the one-year anniversary of my husband’s ordination. As a new deacon’s wife, I’ve been reflecting on all that has changed in our lives – both expected and unexpected. Our household routines have certainly changed with church responsibilities, and Rick spends a lot of time preparing homilies and RCIA lessons in his home office, too. Much of this I expected. But I’m also noticing ways that I have changed, which comes as a bit of a surprise.

For example, our parish has experienced many significant changes this past year, including several pastoral leadership changes. With these changes have come ups and downs in the parish community, and demands on the deacons have been growing. How to navigate these challenges would test even an experienced deacon, much less a novice one. So our dinner table topics often center on how to manage the latest events or requests of his time. But I notice that MY response is different now.

Whereas before I would jump in with advice and counsel, I feel inclined to tread softly with my own opinions, in order to allow God’s voice and guidance to come first. This means I need to be willing to really listen to Rick, ask questions to help him think, and trust that the Spirit will help Rick find his way, with some prayer and reflection. This does take some self-discipline for someone who loves to give advice….!

I’ve also noticed I am less quick to judge situations in the parish that I may not have all the details for, and I try to avoid criticizing anyone’s actions because I don’t understand them. These changes in me don’t always come naturally, but when I nudge them along, I do feel more peaceful inside. And hopefully, I’ll be more helpful to my husband, and others. I’m God’s work ‘in progress’, certainly!  And I will trust Him to use the unexpected to grace my life further on this new journey….

What about you?

Have you experienced personal changes or shifts in perspective as a deacon’s wife?

How have these changes impacted your marriage, your faith, or your own ministries?

If you’re an experienced deacon’s wife, what would you like to share with those less experienced, or still in formation years?